I live with chronic depression. On my old homepage, I’d written that my life was pretty beige. I still think that describes it quite well. It’s not a colour I would’ve picked from a paint swatch, let’s just say.
For years now, I’ve felt my drive fading. I used to look forward to things more often. Starting a new day, seeing where a project would take me, feeling like I was making a bit of progress. Today, that’s mostly what I miss. Looking forward to things.
I can still laugh, have ideas, and get excited about a project. When I’m having fun, I’m really having fun—or at least I think I am. It feels good in the moment. The next day, I can still find it hard to get going again.
If you ask me what I’d like to get back, I think it’s pretty simple. I’d like to catch myself saying, “I’m looking forward to tomorrow,” on a perfectly ordinary Tuesday night.