Mario Maranda

Meeting or assessment at the Allan Memorial Institute. Honestly, I have no idea.
Left too early and arrived 1 hour ahead of time. I’m waiting for 9:00 with a certain impatience.

I think the meeting went well. Strangely, for once, even though there were 3 strangers, the stress of the meeting was much less bad than my initial apprehension.

I’d started the day off on the right foot. A follow-up email. Then I started writing an article for my blog, and while rereading it, I started questioning its relevance and my way of approaching it. In short, a bout of self-doubt that brought me down incredibly hard, as if someone had completely sucked the insides out of my body...

I went back to bed for most of the day...

In the end, I will have been awake for a maximum of 5 hours...

Tomorrow will surely be better—I hope so!

I’m not really sure what’s going on right now.
I kind of have 2 completely opposite modes.
Insomnia for days or hypersomnia for days.

There’s like no balance at all right now, either I go 24–48 hours without being able to close my eyes, or I can sleep for 15–36 hours straight (or almost).

My brain racing in every direction, tons of ideas to get out of this shitty life... or else... the low of seeing that... I put so much energy into it for no result.

Honestly, it’s just time for me to have a more normal life now....

This isn’t a good day for me. My spirits are really low.
I got up this morning to take my son to school, came back home, and went back to bed.
I woke up around 6 p.m., and at 7:33 p.m. I’d go back to bed.
My life makes no sense; I’m completely exhausted by this shitty life.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better...

What I'd like to manage to get done today:

• Buy blades and graffiti remover;

• Remove the lettering;

• Clean the inside and outside;

• Take photos;

• Prepare the listing;

• Send emails to "test" the waters.

But hey, that's what I'd like to do... we'll see what unplanned thing ends up falling into my lap.

My son, who normally keeps asking me for rides because he's too "lazy"... but for the past 2 days, he's been biking 12 km a day (even in the rain) to go to the Youth Centre...

I'm starting to suspect something... I was a teenager once too 😆

How am I supposed to answer this form IF I don't have any social interactions?
I loved my therapy BUT this fucking module is getting to me and harming me more than helping me...

No friends, no relationship, not talkative, no colleagues + social anxiety VERY PRESENT

My teen is going to meet a girl he met online with one of his friends.
Funny to say, but it's starting to make me feel a little old.

But I'm happy for him, and I hope everything goes well 🤞

Another little outing to fill my child-free weekend. Planning to be back home not too late since it's Halloween.

10:00 a.m.: Relaxing day, a little 200 km walk in the Laurentians.

12:25 p.m.: Slight headache from time to time and tinnitus in my right ear. Those are usually the warning signs of an episode.

1:40 p.m.: The headache is gone, and so is the tinnitus; anyway, I’m on my way back home.

3:25 p.m.: I feel freezing cold (hands and feet), discomfort throughout my body (like rheumatism on steroids). As usual when this happens to me, I lie down and sleep a bit.

6:10 p.m.: I feel better, but I have a strange smell in my nose, and my lip and tongue are kind of numb at times.

8:15 p.m.: I’m starting to feel a little less well again. I feel like there’s an electrical overload in my feet and hands (a continuous buzzing), and I also have the impression that my tongue is twice as thick as usual (but it’s only an impression).

9:50 p.m.: The buzzing in my feet and hands continues, as does the smell in my nose, but I don’t feel unwell aside from these symptoms.

The day starts with a pretty solid headache, due to the medication change. Nevertheless, today, I have to finish the insulation so I can be free as a bird tomorrow.

11:04 a.m.: Appointment received for an assessment at the Complex Personality Disorders Clinic;
11:52 a.m.: {observation} Someone's insistence triggers panic attacks for me 🫪
1:50 p.m.: Insulation finished 🥳
7:20 p.m.: I'm waiting for my pizza to be ready, and I think I'll write a bit tonight
(I'm taking advantage of it—my website is brand new).
12:11 a.m.: My eyes are closing on their own... I think it's time for sleepy-bye.

It’s a question in the broad sense that I ask myself, because I know several things would make me happier. But what, specifically, and in what order of priority?

{here’s the answer}

8:37 a.m.: I’m waiting in the parking lot for my therapy, and I’m really dreading this moment because of my absence and my inability to do the assigned homework, since it’s too demanding for me and I don’t socialize with others in my day-to-day…

9:16 a.m.: intense stress during the roundtable.
The update went well, I did my homework on the fly.

10:05 to 10:25 a.m.: Cigarette break and chat between therapy guys.

11:12 a.m.: Leaving DBT

2:20 p.m.: Nap time, since there’s nothing better to do…

3:45 p.m.: Nap wasn’t long enough for my liking..

Spontaneous note · Last modified: October 26, 2026 at 11:38 p.m. · Mood: Disgust — Revulsion (intensity 5/5)

8:27 a.m.: Already whining…
The day is already looking promising.. 🤮

9:15 a.m.: Dropping my teen off at school

10:09 a.m.: Sending an email to the Minister of Transport and Sustainable Mobility (which I still won’t get a response to).

10:34 a.m.: Following up with muhc Mcgill

2:37 p.m.: Going to take a nap before my spirits sink too low again…
(while realizing that I’ve forgotten to feed myself again).

5:23 p.m.: Waking up and my mood is really meh

8:18 p.m.: Honestly… is this any way to live?

9:46 p.m.: I’m really questioning whether I should even be in therapy, considering the current module doesn’t resonate with me because I don’t have social interactions in my life. But I’m going to kick myself in the ass and go. Most likely to announce that I’m quitting the program…

11:26 p.m.: It’s time to go back to sleep for another wonderful night’s sleep. I’m already dreading tomorrow 🫣

Approximate location: Mascouche area · Les Moulins